Someone Like Me
by flowers.of.moe.overload
Summary: Someone you would never expect to go to therapy, and someone who clearly needs it, both attend a group therapy session. Alfred, the star quarterback of their school's football team, and the outcast Lovina, who already has 5 suicide attempts under her belt, are in for some surprises. AmericaxFem!Romano
1. Chapter 1

Warnings:  
Human/Highschool AU, swearing, and suicidal themes are why this story is rated T  
pairing(s): AmericaxFem!Romano  
One-sided spamano

xPAGE BREAKx  
{Lovina}  
The day started like any other.  
The fucking alarm clock went off at 6:00am, way to early to be getting up, EVER.  
I went into the bathroom and stared at my disgusting reflection.  
Pudgy cheeks that never lost baby fat, unruly curly brown hair, lips permanently set in a scowl, eyes that are never a set color, and my fatass body that can't fit into a size 3 jeans. All in all, the complete opposite of my gorgeous sister, Feliciana. She had thinner cheeks, wavy light brown hair, always smiling lips, stunning golden-brown eyes, and a tiny body that fit perfectly in a size 1.  
Guess you could call me jealous.  
But really I'm only being realistic. All the boys had crushes on her, all the teachers thought she was so sweet, even Nonno likes her better. There's no way I would ever compare to her.  
I stare angrily at my reflection as tears stream down my face.  
I pounded my fist on the granite countertop, and yelled "damn it!"  
I would never be pretty. No one could ever like me. No one in their right mind at least.  
I pulled open the top drawer and grabbed the orange bottle that had sleeping pills in it.  
I poured about 27 onto my hand and grabbed a glass of water.  
I sat on the closed toilet seat, my stomach in knots, as I stared at the large number of pills resting in my palm.  
I ate a couple at time, downing them with some water, when I realized I only had 7 left.  
My eyes widened.  
I hadn't meant to eat that many.  
I only wanted to be knocked out for a while.  
More tears fell out of my eyes, and shaking I swallowed the rest of the pills.  
It wasn't that long before I felt myself losing consciousness.  
The water glass slipped out of my hand, and smashed to pieces on the tile floor. I felt dizzy, and very sleepy. The last thing I remember is my eyes closing and me falling to the bathroom floor.

{pagebreak}  
"Alfred! Hurry up in the bathroom!" I heard my mom call from the kitchen. "Breakfast is on the table!"  
At the last statement I cringed. The thought of food made me nauseous. I finished wrapping my wrist with a ace bandage and slid my long sleeve back down.  
I grabbed my backpack and letterman jacket before I went downstairs. I ran towards the front door.  
"Alfie?" I heard my mom call. Shit. She caught me.  
"I'm gonna eat at school, I wanna get there early to hand out with my friends!" I pushed open the front door and closed it before my mom could object.

Once inside the school I headed to the cafeteria where all of the "jocks" hung out before school.  
I threw my backpack down and sat next to Francis, a football player on my team.  
"Hey Alfred!" said Tina Väinämöinen , as she turned away from the football player she was talking to, Berwald Oxenstierna.  
"Are you getting breakfast?"  
"Nah, I ate at home." I told her. She nodded and went back to talking to Berwald, a Danish guy, and a Norwegian girl.  
I kept the fake smile on my face as I interacted with everyone there. I didn't notice when a soccer player, Antonio Carriedo, ran up.  
"Has anyone seen Lovina?" He asked hurriedly.  
I started to shake my head when I was interrupted by Sadiq.  
"You mean that depressed maniac?" I saw Antonio glare coldly at Sadiq.  
Sadiq used the glare as fuel. He started insulting the Vargas girl more.  
"I think she might have jumped off a bridge. She should! She's a sorry excuse for a human!" He laughed.  
I felt myself about to tell Sadiq to shut up, but I didn't have a chance.  
Feliciana, Lovina's sister I think, had just walked up to the table with Ludwig. She had a angry look in her eyes, making the smile she always wore to be gone off her face.  
"SHUT UP!" She yelled angrily.  
Ludwig looked at her in surprise. Well, everyone looked at her in surprise. Not one of us had every heard Feliciana yell before, much less look mad. Now she was yelling at Sadiq in the middle of a now silent cafeteria.  
Sadiq stood there speechless, then quietly walked away. The bell rang and I let out a sigh.  
Back to classes.

{pagebreak}  
*that morning!*  
Feliciana called to her sister.  
"Lovina!?" No answer.  
"Lovina!?" She yelled louder.  
No answer.  
Feliciana ran up the stairs as fast as she could and tore into Lovina's bedroom. She quickly pushed the door to the bathroom open, and screamed. Lovina was lying on the bathroom floor, surrounded by glass.

{pagebreak}  
My eyes opened groggily. I had to blink a couple times for them to focus. I looked around at my surroundings. I yelped when I realize I was in a hospital room.  
"Lovina!" Nonno poked his head into the room from the doorway. He must of heard my yelp and came running.  
He walked in and some nurses followed him in. He sank to his knees at my bedside and grabbed my hands.  
"Lovina. Why would you do this to yourself" I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.  
"Why would you care!?" I yelled, tears starting to pour down my cheeks. "You love Feliciana more! You shouldn't care I tried to kill myself!" He pushed back from me, eyes wide.  
"Lovina..."  
I close my eyes. Crap.  
"Lovina, I love you just as much as Feliciana!" She insisted.  
I didn't believe him.  
"No you don't." I said. I looked back at him. His mouth had dropped open.  
"How could anyone love me. I don't even love myself." My eyes felt heavy, tears getting my hospital gown wet. The nurses quickly asked my some questions, that I answered half-heartedly. They then left the room.  
Nonno looked sadly at me.  
"I don't want to lose you, Lovina."  
I was about to reject the claim. But he quickly continued, staring at his shaking hands in his lap.  
"I don't want to Lose you the same way I lost your mother."

{pagebreak}

I hurried to my next class. Math.  
I sucked at math, everything was so confusing.  
I had Feliciana in my class, and something was definitely off about her.  
I had Ludwig as my lab partner, and he said she had been checking the clock every five minutes, and her phone between classes. She was clearly waiting for something.  
I watched her from my seat in the back of the classroom, not even noticing when Julchen sat next to me.  
Feliciana was staring out the window with a worried expression that didn't match her face, fingers tapping on her closed notebook, when normally she would be smiling happily, doodling, and sometimes humming until the teacher told her to keep it down.  
"Why are ya staring at Feliciana?" I heard a strangely accented voice next to me say.  
I turned to the albino seated next to me. Her red eyes were half closed, her head resting on the top of her books, long white-blond hair spilling over her desk. She wore a red sweatshirt over her school uniform and knee-high white converse. One earbud was pulled out of her ear, since normally see didn't converse with anyone, because she was too "awesome" to apparently.  
I was shocked. I had never actually heard her speak before, and her voice sounded raspy from either disuse, or maybe it was just her natural way of speaking. I quickly answered her.  
"She seems off today I guess." She looked unsatisfied with my answer, popped her ear bud back in, and looked towards the front of the classroom.  
She must not like me very much.

At lunch, all the football players, cheerleaders, soccer players, and random people from other sports were seated at the lunch table. I saw Julchen leave the cafeteria with her lunch, and probably head somewhere alone.  
"What do you guys think of that Julchen girl?" I asked, turning back to the table.  
I saw everyone's eyes widened a little.  
"Why are you interested in her?" Francis asked. I shook my head.  
"She asked me something in Math, I answered an then she just ignored me." I saw Ludwig look down at his food. Suspicious.  
"She's completely anti-social and very rude, well that's what I think, da." Everyone looked over at the huge Russian who just took a seat at the lunch table. He was very helpful to have on our football team, most opposing players were terrified of him so we usually won the game quickly.  
"Ludwig, what do you think?" I asked, knowing he was hiding something by the way he didn't make eye contact with anyone.  
He looked up, panicked.  
"I know nothing. Really." I raised an eyebrow. All the focus was on him now.  
"Fine okay." He put his sandwich down and cleared his throat.  
"Well for starters, she's my sister."  
Many jaws dropped.  
"What's it like living with her?"  
"Does she ever talk?"  
" is she normal at home?"  
Ludwig was pounded with many questions.  
"Yea. She acts totally normal at home. When she was 9 our family doctor recommended that Julchen should see a therapist. She was talking less and less in public as she got older. So the therapist tried to help her, and the whole thing backfired. She stopped talking completely, and she never went out in public unless she had to. She has terrible social anxiety, which makes her so anti-social."  
Everyone at the table was listening to him with wide eyes and dropped jaws.  
"I feel so terribly for her!" Francis said dramatically, holding his hand to his forehead like he might faint any second.  
I went back to watching everyone eat, not taking in any food myself, an just like always, no one noticed.  
I felt eyes on me and I looked towards the cafeteria doors.  
I saw white hair and red eyes that were staring at me. She motioned for me to come over. One of my eyes squinted in confusion. (O.o)  
I got up from the table, saying "I have to go to the bathroom" to all the questioning eyes, and headed out of the cafeteria.  
I saw Julchen hiding in the corner of the hallway ad walked over to her.  
"What did you want?" I asked her.  
She looked at the ground for a while, then struggled to meet my eyes.  
Once she made eye contact, she whispered.  
"I know your secret."

Thanks for reading! A review would be nice. :3 if I get reviews I'll put up the next chapter as quickly as I can!


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait." I said, not quite getting it. "I thought mom died in a car accident. Are you saying, that she... Killed herself?" I stuttered out, dreading the answer.

Nonno just slowly nodded his head.

I stared at him, totally shocked, as he put his head in his hands. I had never seen Nonno look so solemn before, I had never seen anything but a smile on his face. But right now, he looked on the verge of tears.

I felt tears spilling out of my eyes, falling from my cheeks to the hospital bed sheets. I grabbed the sheets and squeezed them between my fingers, to try and stop them from shaking.

Warm tears hit my palms as I silently cried.

{page break}

"What secret?" I said, awkwardly laughing. Julchen just looked at me, not believing my fake ignorance.

"You know what I mean." She said, acting serious. My faked smile fell off my face.

"How much do you know." I said in monotone. She seemed to take a couple minutes to think, to figure out exactly what to say, a thing normal people who conversed with other people a lot didn't do, but then she finally spoke.

"I went to the same elementary school as you. You ate 5 hamburgers and 6 extra large fries at lunch everyday. You were heavyset, but you used to never care about people making fun of you weight. Then, I don't see you in middle school. You weren't in school, you had started homeschooling or something. Now I see you in high school, and you're a twig with muscle. There's not a bit of fat on your body, and you don't eat lunch!" She took a deep breath, that was probably the longest thing she had ever said in her life.

I stared at her, dumbfounded. She was so observant it was creepy. I didn't think anyone would notice. No one should have noticed. What if she tells someone?! I glared at her.

"You sure do know a lot. What are you gonna do, tell someone?" I said, trying to sound threatening, while inside I was really freaking out. They would put me in a hospital and pump calories into me. I am already so fat, it would make me even fatter!

"I'm not going to interfere with your life. I'm only telling you, it's been getting more noticeable recently. You might want to watch out, someone besides me might notice."

And with that ominous statement, she ran in the opposite direction, just as the bell rang out.

{pagebreak}

I was free.

Free to leave the hospital, free to go home, free to do whatever.

The only thing was I had to go to therapy on Friday. And just going to therapy was bad, but this is even worse. This was a group therapy session. I had to talk about my problems in front of people.

It was a silent car ride home. Nonno stopped the car in front of the house and I ran inside. I sat down on the couch in the living room. I pulled my laptop onto my lap and logged into my Facebook.

It was about lunch time, so everyone was on Facebook on their phones. I scrolled down my wall.

No posts.

That's expected though, I have no friends, even my sister wouldn't be caught posting on my wall.

No one had asked to be my friend, so I only had two friends on Facebook, my sister, and that tomato bastard who loved to try and get me to like him, just so he could rip my heart out and stomp it into the dirt. I sometimes check the most popular people's wall, to see what's going on, so today I checked Amelia Jone's profile. She was the most popular girl in school, and Alfred, the most popular guy in school's, sister. Amelia was a freshman, but it took no time for her to get up there in the high school food chain.

I clicked on her profile, no privacy settings on it, and looked at the first post.

**Amelia Jones: did u guys c that the ugly Vargas was outta skool today? May-beh she FINALLY killed herself. Attention seeking slut. :P**

I stared at it in shock. There was 15 likes on it already!

I slammed the laptop shut and pushed it back on the couch.

Why would she post that, Why would people like that?!

Oh right because I'm hated.

I'm worthless.

I'm not needed.

A waste of air.

I've been called these things many times, and a few months ago I really started believing them.

I ran into the kitchen, crying, and pulled a sharp knife from a drawer. I was about to cut through the artery on my left wrist when the knife was grabbed out of my hands. I raised my eyes to see tear stained cheeks. My breathing hitched when I realized it was my sister.

"Feli..." I said, not believing she was there. Her body racked with a sob.

"LOVINA! What are you doing!?" She screamed, crying harder.

Blood dripped to the floor, but It wasn't mine.

It was Felicia's.

She had grabbed the blade of the knife to stop my from slitting my wrists, and now she had a deep cut across her right hand.

{pagebreak}

Football practice was normal.

We all changed in the locker room, then lined up on the field.

We scrimmaged, me being the quarterback, as usual, and Sadiq was the quarterback for the other team. All of the cheerleaders were taking a break from their practice to watch us, my sister Amelia at the front of them, hand on one hip, waving at Sadiq. Sadiq smirked and waved back. She blew him a kiss and he winked back.

Disgusting.

The second the scrimmage started I tackled him.

He looked really pissed off and the scrimmage continued with both of us trying to tackle each other into the mud.

After the scrimmage ended, we were both converted in mud, but there was still and hour of practice left.

For the next 20 minutes we ran and practiced tackling.

I was starting to feel a little light-headed after a especially grueling part of training.

I felt my legs wobble as I pitched forward, and everything went black.

{pagebreak}

Here I was, back at the hospital, but this time, not for me.

Me and Nonno awkwardly sat beside each other in the waiting room as Feliciana got her hand stitched up.

I felt terrible. I was the cause of her pain. Now she can't use her right hand for the next 3 weeks.

I'm sure everyone will be pissed off at me, since Feli was going to participate in the school's art competition, but now that she can't use her right hand, she can't paint or draw.

If only she hadnt gotten home.

She wouldn't have cut her hand, I would be dead, and everyone would be happier without me there.

Why aren't I dead yet? All I do is cause trouble.

{pagebreak}

My eyes slowly opened to the nurse's office ceiling. I sat up and felt a little dizy. The nurse scolded me.

"Stay down, Alfred. You fainted at practice.

But I sat up anyways.

She sighed and walked over to me. After pressing the back of her hand against my forehead, and deciding that I didn't have a temperature, she sat down next to me.

"I want to ask you a question." She said, looking straight into my eyes.

"Ask away." I said, trying my hardest to keep my facade up.

"I want to know how you got those wounds on you wrist." My eyes widened. I glanced down at my arms, which should have been covered by long sleeves, but were clearly not. I saw red cuts, fresh from last night, mixed in with old pink scars.

No no no no no no no.

She saw. SHE SAW.

I'm gonna be put I'm a mental hospital!

I started to hyperventilate. She put both hands on my shoulders.

"Calm down. It's okay if you did it to yourself. We can get you therapy and medication, we can get you help..."

"No!" I cut her off. "I'm fine! Completely fine!" I said, almost trying to make myself believe it.

I got up from the bed and started walking towards the door.

The nurse let me go.

{end chapter}

So yes, I made the hamburger loving American anorexic. Don't hate me.

Also I added in Fem!america because I needed a girl character to be the most popular girl.

Also I don't update as much as a lot of other people, so don't hate me please. :(

And here are the grades:

Lovina: sophomore, grade 10

Alfred: Junior, grade 11

Feli: freshman, grade 9

Sadiq: junior, grade 11

Amelia: freshman, grade 9


End file.
